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2 Raunch 2 Righteous
Bishops of Bastard Presents: 2 Raunch 2 Righteous (also known as Raunch & Righteous Episode 2) is a spec script for a webcomic created by Darnell Deepwell and written by Mickey Random. About a year after The Raunch and the Righteous, Linz Mondello has become infamous across Fale County in high-stakes street races. This installment of the series introduces a new character named Cougar Mona, Linzy's first love and a fellow microbus enthusiast on the run after a series of casino buffet thefts. Teamed with Chris the Pimp and his lovely mistress Rwanda, the Bishops avoid the agents of R.A.U.N.C.H. and take on a jewelry thief known as "the plastic bastard". __TOC__ Plot A thief driving a green microbus robs a Grosscup Jewelers outlet in Memeville. Not far from the mini-mall, a car meet takes place behind a flea market. Race promoter Absurd calls Linz Mondello and asks him to join the race. After Linzy wins the race, the Lulzwagen is perused by Memeville Police. The chase quickly escalates when Cankerton Police join the pursuit. Linzy surrenders to Memeville Police Captain Robert Rageface. But Rageface brings in Captain MeGusta and says that they need Linzy’s help to capture “the plastic bastard”, a jewelry thief whose color-changing microbus Chameleon has been spotted at classic car shows around Fale County. Mayor Grosscup offers Linzy a $2 million dollar reward, but Linzy doesn’t buy it. Linzy gets help from fellow Lord Bishop Chris the Pimp, another microbus enthusiast and owner of the Lulzwagen’s sister van Sapphire. But Masked Bastard charges Chris with bringing Linzy back into the Congregation. Linzy and Chris stake out a car show at Cankerton Convention Center. They find the green microbus Harlequin belonging to Cougar Mona, Linzy’s first love. Okie’s goons crash the car show and Grosscup is furious because Mona gets away. Linzy, Chris and Mona hide out at the Parlor, an Internet café where Rwanda discovers that Grosscup’s family business is bankrupt. Linzy and Chris take the Sapphire and Harlequin to Absurd’s garage to be loaded with nitrous tanks. Behind Absurd’s garage are decommissioned vehicles he won at an auction. He has a chopper, a speed boat, a mini-submarine, monster truck tires and parts from a military roving robot used to disarm bombs. City Councilman Jerry Cogoggle meets with Mr. R Mcgeddon and tells him that Mayor Grosscup may be looking to kill the plastic bastard himself. Mac gives this info to MeGusta and MeGusta uncovers a possible county-wide sex slavery operation. They discover that the thief is Stern Hardy, a bank robber from Ribeye, Texas. As the jewelry robberies continue, Mayor Grosscup becomes worried that there will be nothing left of his family fortune. Absurd spots the white microbus Chameleon in Memeville. Linzy, Chris and Mona race to a robbery in progress, but the Uzi totting plastic bastard doesn’t fire after seeing Mona with them. MeGusta and Mac discover that Mona’s last name is Hardy; she is the estranged wife of Stern Hardy. Mona denies any involvement in the jewelry thefts and claims that she’s been following Stern ever since he got her fired from her casino buffet job. Before the cops can throw Mona in the lock-up, Stern Hardy is brought in for processing. With the case seemingly closed, Linzy asks about the $2 million dollar reward. MeGusta informs them that Mayor Grosscup has suffered a heart attack and may not live to pay them. When questioned, Stern Hardy claims that the real ''plastic bastard is still out there. Linzy, Chris and MeGusta believe that the thief is either one of Albert Okie’s goons or the disgraced evangelist himself. Linzy and Chris agree to find out who the plastic bastard really is. After receiving modifications on their microbuses, they track the white van to the last Grosscup Jewelry store in the county. They find Okie’s goons cleaning out the place and send this info to MeGusta. MeGusta then receives a call from Rwanda stating that someone put out a wanted ad for a professional thief at a criminal-for-hire website. The ISP for the ad was traced back to a computer in the mayor’s office. But before Rwanda can say anything more, she is taken away by Okie’s goons. Mona follows Okie’s men from the Parlor. Back at the Grosscup Jewelry Outlet, Linzy and Chris come face to face with the plastic bastard who reveals himself as Mayor Jordan Grosscup. Grosscup faked his heart attack so that he could continue robbing his family’s jewelry stores and retire early. Grosccup is also good friends with Albert Okie and agreed to take over Okie’s business interests in his absence, which include the child pornography ring and the human trafficking operation. At first Stern Hardy was hired by Grosscup to knock off rival jewelry stores. But when Jerry Cogoggle started snooping through Grosscup’s broadcast emails, Grosscup cut Stern off and never paid him, so Stern began robbing Grosscup’s stores to get back at him. After revealing all of this, Grosscup tells Linzy, Chris and soon MeGusta not to follow him, or he will kill Rwanda. Linzy, Chris and Mona pursue Grosscup anyway, but are blocked by Okie’s goons. They use their microbus modifications to clear the way (Sapphire’s monster truck and mecha modes and Harlequin’s chopper mode). When they finally reach the Shore, Grosscup’s yacht is already out to sea with Rwanda held captive aboard. Chris drives Sapphire into the ocean and vanishes while Linzy and Mona go after the yacht in Harlequin’s power boat mode. Rwanda distracts Grosscup with a lap dance while Linzy and Mona approach in Harlequin. Before Grosscup can mow them down with a machine gun mounted on the bow, Sapphire shoots up out of the water in submarine mode and lands on the yacht’s bow. Grosscup is arrested and taken away. Rwanda hands off a small bag of Grosscup diamonds to Linzy and Chris after taking her cut of them. Linzy and Chris agree to split the diamonds. Mona agrees to visit Linzy again once she’s done her community service. With Okie’s men gone, Grosscup’s operations shut down and the case solved, Linzy finally agrees to return to the Congregation. But when the Lulzwagen pulls up loaded with bikini-clad women, Linzy and Chris agree that they must “Carry On” once more before returning to the Church. Characters *Linz Mondello – Former Lord Bishop and street racer on the run from R.A.U.N.C.H. hit men. *Chris the Pimp – Lord Bishop of Church finances and owner of the blue microbus “Sapphire”. *Cougar Mona – Linzy’s first love and owner of the green microbus “Harlequin”. *Rwanda – Chris’ southern belle mistress and a former Vinegiggle police officer. *Mr. R Mcgeddon – Lord Bishop and the Holy Father Church Attorney. *Captain MeGusta – Commanding officer of the Cankerton Police Department. *Mayor Grosscup – mayor of Cankerton and heir to the Grosscup family fortune. *Councilman Cogoggle – Grosscup’s right hand man who protects the mayor’s image. *Absurd – Street race promoter, mechanic and friend of Linz. *Captain Rageface – Commanding officer of the Memeville Police Department. *Officer Eugelly – Memeville Police Officer and Rageface’s best friend. *Stern Hardy: A bank robber from Ribeye, Texas working for the Plastic Bastard. *Plastic Bastard – A thief in a white party mask who is after the Grosscup diamonds. *Masked Bastard – Arch Bishop of the Church of Fatherless Time. *Sadie – Lady Bishop and Masked Bastard’s mistress. *Delroy – African-American street racer, drives a black Charger with red and green stripes. *Sahale – Native-American, drives a red Camero Ss with black stripes. *Elisa – Hispanic street racer, drives a white Mustang with red and blue stripes. Quotes CAPTAIN RAGEFACE: We’ve impounded your magical flying van. So tell me what you did with the jewels. LINZ: I have no idea what you’re talking about. CAPTAIN RAGEFACE: We know you’re Linzy Mondello. You’ve been hiding out in Memeville for almost a year now. OFFICER EUGELLY: We also know you’ve been participating in illegal street races. LINZ: It’s no different from what you guys do with drugs down in your evidence locker. ''Mr. R Mcgeddon enters the interrogation room with his military fatigue-print briefcase. MR. R MCGEDDON: Don’t say another word, Linzy. CAPTAIN RAGEFACE: What do you think you’re doing, Frank? MAC: Captain, I need to speak with my client. OFFICER EUGELLY: What do ya know. It’s the Courtroom Commando. MAC: (turns to Eugelly) Listen Officer Espresso, if you want my BS-resistance combat boot up your ass, keep running your facehole. CAPTAIN MEGUSTA: We believe the thief is going after the Grosscup family jewels. LINZ: Sounds more to me like this guy wants to snip the Grosscup family jewels. Linz and Chris find the blonde with her mouth on the tailpipe of her corvette. CHRIS: What in the world are you doing, lady?! BLONDE: My car got caught in a hail storm on the way here. LINZ: My guess is you were blowing really hard into the tailpipe. BLONDE: Yeah. I figure it would pop all of those ugly dents out. LINZ: Baby, I can tell you right now that ain’t gonna work. Unless... BLONDE: Unless what? LINZ: Unless you roll the windows up. LINZ: All right. Mona stays with Rwanda until we can clear her name. CHRIS: Oh, you’re so worried about Cougar Mona. Just remember why Captain MeGusta sent us out here in the first place. LINZ: What’s that supposed to mean? CHRIS: It means you’re always screwing up over a piece of ass, Linzy. 2 Raunch 2 Righteous Gallery R2.jpg|Title Card. Rr2-sm.png|Title Graphic rr2_linzy-MED.jpg|Linzy Mondello - The Lulzwagen rr2_chris-MED.jpg|Chris the Pimp - The Sapphire rr2_mona-MED.jpg|Cougar Mona - The Harlequin 2-raunch-2righteous-cast-med.jpg|The Cast ---- ---- Category:Bishops of Bastard Presents The Raunch and the Righteous